Too shy online dating
Every personality comes with its own strengths and weaknesses.
With dating, shy men and women come to the table with a minor disadvantage because dating is a social activity, and shy people have a hard time putting their best foot forward with people brand new to them.
The main themes of what shy people do in dating include waiting, being passive, and not letting their true personality show. He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction.
I used to have a friend who’d say, “Dating is nothing but a numbers game.” She believed that going on more dates was equivalent to a higher likelihood of falling in love. However well-intentioned it may be, it flies in the face of a major factor essential to an introvert’s well-being—alone time. So yes, you will have times when sitting across from another human being, you’ll feel you’d rather pull out your molars without Novocaine than think of another word to say to this person. I feared if I declined, I would be passing up on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You will have days when unexpected issues arise at work, your cat gets sick, a family member calls with an emergency, or a friend emails with the last-minute favor to which you have to say yes because they helped you out last week.
Because shy men and women tend to be more introverted and more observational thinkers in the first place, not taking things seriously goes against the grain of the shy personality makeup.
But trust me when I say this: As much as a first date seems to matter in the moment, you have to put it all in perspective.
They sometimes don’t seek out their guy or girl for a second date – even when they’re still interested.
Because, as introverts, we often derive our energy from solitude and quiet contemplation in which to process life’s events, we have only so much social goodwill to go around. Just simply state that you need to reschedule, and offer an alternative date, time, and place. I’m going to pass along the best piece of advice my old therapist ever gave me.
In fact, any form of socializing has the potential to deplete these stores. You get to meet complete strangers (not always our strongest suit), who will then subject you to a barrage of intensely personal questions and judge you! There is good news too, but let’s get the bad news out of the way first. He said, “You can’t fuck up soul mates.” Write that down, and put it in your pocket. You should never feel bad for treating them as such, and don’t let anyone tell you different. You can use subtle ways to tell your profile visitors you are introverted, without standing on a mountain top and screaming down a declaration for the masses.
Dating, fraught with the anxiety and possibility of rejection and/or romance, even more so. Doesn’t that sound like the ideal situation when you’re looking for true intimacy and affection? The discussion of introversion has only recently become part of the larger cultural dialogue.
Since that never happens to me (and because it made me feel like a bouncy, shiny-haired cheerleader for the first time ever), I pushed myself to accept all the offers. If awful dates, which your friends seem to be able to turn into funny anecdotes on a dime, seem catastrophic to you, that’s okay too. And while we’re on the subject of dating fears, it’s okay if you want to cancel. It’s important, first and foremost, to set some personal boundaries with yourself. It was a strange, atypical situation where a lot of fellas seemed determined to meet yours truly. Ignore your mother when she hounds you about grandchildren.